As the departure date rapidly approaches, I find myself caught in a whirlwind of activity. Or to be more honest, I feel quite a lot like Pigpen from Peanuts... running around in a haze of dirt(chaos), madly trying to get things done but not entirely sure I've accomplished anything at all.
Today I checked off my list:
-packing up the kitchen
-dry run at packing my backpack
And it feels like a million other things, yet for some reason, I can't actually identify them. Which is a bit scary, considering the state of my apartment (and my mind). With one week left to go - three days of which are visiting my parents in Victoria - I had hoped to be a little more organized than I am. I don't even have my new passport yet!
All that aside, however, I am becoming more excited about the adventure with each passing day. Nervous, too, without question, but after a good talk with a dear friend (thanks for dinner, SG!) tonight, I have affirmed for myself all the very good reasons I have for embarking on this journey.
"No plans for the trip after the first couple weeks? Isn't that a bit out of character for you?" she asked tonight. And yes, it does seem so, doesn't it? I'm not known for my wild spontaneity, I confess. But the lack of itinerary is part of what makes this trip so exciting for me.
The truth is, I don't actually care where I go or where I end up. If I decide I want to stay in the first place I land for the entire year, that's ok. This trip isn't-- as mentioned in my first post - about geography. It's about spirit. Wherever I go, I'll find myself.
I was just thinking about how to articulate what I'm looking for in this journey, and I discovered that I can't articulate it at all. I just know that I need to go. I have lost sight of what the meaning of my own life is here at home. I am tired. My work and activism no longer have the significance, the excitement, the sense of justice and purpose that they used to have. And so I am setting out to learn something new about the world and about myself.
With one week left to go - at this time next Wednesday, I'll be in Puerto Vallarta - I don't feel like I'm organized. But I do feel ready for whatever is to come.