Tuesday, March 2, 2010

March already!

I´ve been back in Tulan just over a week, following a hasty and unplanned departure from San Miguel de Allende. I had expected to be there until now, housesitting, but a change in my friend´s plans meant I wasn´t needed and although I was welcome to stay, I decided to go. I woke suddenly in the middle of the night last weekend, feeling overwhelmingly homesick for Tulan. I missed the night sky, cooking on a fire, spending my days outside, and a quick email in the morning solidified my decision to go back. i was on a bus to guadalajara and then Tepic Sunday afternoon and caught a lift to Tulan first thing Monday morning. I have been feeling happy and positive ever since I got back there.

I spend my time in the garden, the kitchen, or just sitting outside reading and writing in the sun. And I spend part of each day composing a gratitude list.

I am especially grateful to live in a place right now that allows me the opportunity to align my body ,mind and spirit with cycles of nature and to feel the flow of energy through me, guiding my movements and decisions. It is endlessly fascinating to watch synchronicities emerge as I just let things happen rather than seeking to control them.

The other day, on a quick trip to town, a book fell on my head from the overhead compartment in Daniel´s van. It was called The Chemistry of Joy: a 3 step program for overcoming depression through western science and eastern wisdom. Clearly, the book needed me to read it. I´m finding it incredibly appropriate and helpful for me . I have decided there is no such thing as coincidence. NOTE: i highly recommend this book to anyone who has ever lived with depression in themselves or a loved one. it´s the most helpful approach i´ve ever come across.

San Miguel was an important trip for me. It caused me to face my fears of being alone, and how i define alone, and in my grief and pain and fear of separating from Sam, even for a week, I found strength and self-acceptance that I have been searching for most of my life. although it might seem a rapid and unrealistic conversion, what I suddenly understood is that I don´t need to try to change, or seek change, or fight my emotions. change will happen without any effort, and the effort is more hindrance than help anyway. My emotions are my gift and my strength. they give me empathy and compassion for others and for myself.

So in this last week, I have found that i can give both sam and I the space we need to grow as individuals, and together, without fear of being alone. And I have remembered that as long as I have love in my life, I can never be alone.

today is just a quick stop at an internet cafe, then back up to tulan. Not sure what is next, but you´ll know soon after i do! this keyboard is sticky and gross (please excuse the spotty capitalization, the shift key sticks and so does backspace) so will leave it here.

Much love to you all. till next time!